Paper+2+Autopsy


 * Introduction**

Original Version (Felix): A normal day of a normal person begins with waking up, watching news on television or reading the newspaper. Afterwards the person goes to work and makes a few phone calls, while listening to music during the work or way to work. Finally the day ends after checking emails or just surfing in the internet. A lot of people can identify with this example and this shows us how important the mass media is. In the following I want to show why mass media is so important for us and how they influence our society positive. Before answering this question I would like to take a look on the mass media by giving the definition and describing how mass media has developed. The first possibility of exchange of information was just possible by talking to each other and memorizing. Later people were able to hand write this written things on the paper and books. After the development of print media first the radio and later the television were invented. Finally in the 21st century with web 2.0 the internet took a great place in the society, 'The means of communication that reaches a large number of people such as television, radio or newspaper" is the definition of mass media after Collins English dictanory. With this historical background and the definition of mass media I want to support the positive influence of the society by analysing the earliest media, the newspaper and the latest media the Internet.
 * Introduction**

Corrected Version (Felix): A normal day of an average city person begins with waking up, watching news on television or reading the newspaper. Afterwards the person goes to work and makes a few phone calls, while listening to music while working or on the way to work. Finally the day ends after checking emails or just surfing on the internet. A lot of people can identify with this example and this shows us how important the mass media has become in the society. In the following I want to show why mass media is so important for us and how it positively influences our society. Collins English dictionary defines mass media as 'the means of communication that reaches a large number of people such as television, radio or newspaper'. It is an entity that helps information travel from one part of the globe to the other. For centuries the first possibility of the exchange of information was just possible by talking to each other. Later people were able to hand write on paper. After the development of print media, the radio and later the television were invented. Finally in the 21st century with web 2.0 the internet took a great place in the society. While spreading throughout the world, mass media has created several impacts on the society, some are positive while the others are negative. However, in my opinion, though the spread of mass media has several drawbacks, the positive aspects of it far outweighs the negative aspects.

A normal day of a middle class person begins with waking up, watching news on television or reading the newspaper. Afterwards the person goes to work and makes a few phone calls, while listening to music while working or on the way to work. Finally the day ends after checking emails or just surfing on the internet. A lot of people can identify with this example and this shows us how important the mass media has become in the society. In the following I want to show why mass media is so important for us and how it positively influences our society. Collins English dictionary defines mass media as 'the means of communication that reaches a large number of people such as television, radio or newspaper'. It is an entity that helps information travel from one part of the globe to the other. For centuries the first possibility of the exchange of information was just possible by talking to each other. Later people were able to hand write on paper. After the development of print media, the radio were in 1923 and later the television in 1932 were invented. Finally in the 21st century with web 2.0 the internet took a great place in the society. With this example we see that the mass media did increase and nowadays we have a bigger variety of media. While spreading throughout the world, mass media has created several impacts on the society, some are positive while the others are negative. However, in my opinion, though the spread of mass media has several drawbacks, the positive aspects of it far outweighs the negative aspects.

Maroua's old version: Malcolm X claimed that mass media is the most powerful entity on earth. Indeed, the mass media is the media that grabs a huge number of viewers all over the world affecting their lives daily and shaping progressively a new style and standard of living. We can denote different forms of mass media but with almost two billion internet users, I would argue that the internet has the biggest number of consumers and thus the highest impact on people’s social life. In this essay, we are going to analyze the social effects of the internet and evaluate to what extent they are positive by looking at the individuals and how the media contributes to rising their awareness and bringing them into a small world together.

Maroua's new version: Malcolm X claimed that mass media is the most powerful entity on earth. Indeed, mass media denotes a section of the media specifically designed to reach a large audience affecting their lives daily and shaping progressively a new style and standard of living. We can denote different forms of mass media but with almost two billion Internet users, I would argue that the Internet the highest impact on people’s social life. In this essay, we are going to analyze the social effects of the Internet and evaluate to what extent they are positive by looking at the individuals and how the media contributes to raising their awareness and bringing them into a small world together.

__Introduction (Clara)__ New version: The 1996 Cambridge Dictionary defines media as a “collective term for television, radio, cinema, and press”. Nowadays, however, this definition would be considered incomplete, as it does not include the widest, and most controversial type of media: the Internet.

Since its creation, over two decades ago the worldwide web has allowed its two billion users (according to International Telecommunications Union) to connect to different parts of the world, and that resulted in another rhythm to the flow of information worldwide. Before that, people could seek knowledge in books and newspapers besides other press vehicles, but they represented a still knowledge, in other words, new information requires a newer edition. As opposed to that, the spread of Internet around the globe has provided people the opportunity to interact, and therefore question, refute and express their opinions in such a way that knowledge is currently dynamic, and each day more accessible, as data provided by Nielsen Online, shows the number of internet users nowadays has gown by 6 times compared to that in 10 years.

Old Version: The 1996 Cambridge Dictionary defines media as a “collective term for television, radio, cinema, and press””. Nowadays, however, this definition would be considered incomplete, as it does not include the widest, and most controversial type of media: the Internet. Since its creation, over two decades ago the worldwide web has allowed its users to connect to different parts of the world and that resulted in another rhythm to the flow of information worldwide. Before that, people could seek knowledge in books and newspapers besides other press vehicles, but they represented a still knowledge, that was not subjected to changes. In addition, those information were limited to people that had access to libraries, on that could afford such things, which obviously did not comprise the entire population of a certain place. As opposed to that, the spread of Internet around the globe has provided people the opportunity to interact, and therefore question, refute and express their opinions in such a way that knowledge is currently dynamic, and each day more universal.

Put your group's 'best introduction' here. Put the person's name in. THEN put the **group's** IMPROVED best introduction underneath it.

Christie's original version: The mass media is a way of communication that facilitates the transmission and dissemination of information to the general public. Knowledge and resources of all topics can be passed on. Governments and firms wrong can also make use of the mass media to advertise values, concepts and products. No matter by broadcasting or by publishing printed materials, texts, music and images are used in the process of conveying ideas, which may pose negative effects on the audience. There may be some values conveyed. One of the best illustrations is slimming advertisements on television, posters, magazines, etc., which promote concept that beauty is based on the outward appearance of people of being slim. Another example is Hollywood movies' consistent use of stereotypic images about the Arabs that are not in line with the Arab history and culture, according to Dr. Jack Shaheen, the author of the book "Reel Bad Arabs: How Hollywood Vilifies A People". If the audience believes in the false information, they may wrongly adjust their lifestyles or make poor decision as a result of the influence of the information. Besides, advertisements on the mass media can mislead people too, affecting individuals negatively. For example, companies may make the illusion that people can borrow money as long as they want to buy something and do not need to return the money, even though they do not have economic ability. Firms are misleading people to borrow money and pay the interests, and in a way promoting consumer culture and materialism. From the cases above, it is obvious that the mass media has pros and cons on society.
 * Best body paragraph**

Christie's corrected version: The mass media is a way of communication that facilitates the transmission and dissemination of knowledge and resources of many topics to the public. Governments and firms can also make use of this channel to advertise values, concepts and products. No matter by broadcasting or by publishing printed materials, texts, music and images are the three elements that are used in conveying ideas, which may pose negative effects on the audience. Firstly, some concepts that are considered wrong by the general public may be conveyed. One of he best illustrations is slimming advertisements on television, posters, magazines, etc. These advertisements promote the concept that beauty is based on the outward appearance of people of being slim and skinny. Yet many people would agree that true beauty is from inward beauty of a person's characters and virtues. Under the influence of these advertisements, many people are driven to follow the trend of joining slimming programmes or buying slimming pills. Another example is Hollywood movies' consistent use of stereotypic images about the Arabs, according to Dr. Jack Shaheen, the author of the book "Reel Bad Arabs: How Hollywood Vilifies A People". These stereotypic images used by Hollywood movies are not in line with the Arab history and culture. People who watch these movies may be affected by the wrong messages conveyed by the images and have some negative views to Arabs, and hence treat them in an inappropriate way. Any false information transmitted to the public may affect the viewpoints and actions of individuals. Secondly, advertisements can mislead people too. For example, people my be under the illusion of financial companies' advertisements that even though they do not have enough economic ability, they can still borrow money as long as they want to buy something, and do not need to return the money. But in fact, there would usually be small texts stating the conditions in the advertisements, and in most cases, the interest charge is very high. A lot of university students in Hong Kong are deceived by the advertisements and end in going bankrupt. These companies are misleading people to borrow money and pay the interest so that they can make profit. In a way, they are promoting consumer culture and materialism too. We can see from the above examples that the mass media has a negative impact on society.

kaylie (old):

Fast-moving video games can train our brains to make faster real-life decisions. Research from the university of Rochester split dozens of 18 to 25-year-old students, who usually don’t play video games, into two groups. The first group played fifty hours of fast-moving video game, while the second group played fifty hours of slower strategy games. Shortly afterwards, all of them took a decision-making test. The results show that people from the first group were 25% quicker in finishing the test with the answers no less accurate than people from the second group. This shows that if you play more fast-moving video games, your brain can work faster. Actually, this is not hard to understand: Practice makes perfect. The more you practise to use your brain, the faster you can make decisions.

kaylie (new) :

Fast-moving video games can train our brains to make faster real-life decisions. Research from the university of Rochester split dozens of 18 to 25-year-old students, who usually don’t play video games, into two groups. The first group played fifty hours of fast-moving video game, while the second group played fifty hours of slower strategy games. Shortly afterwards, all of them took a decision-making test. The results show that people from the first group were 25% quicker in finishing the decision-making test with the answers no less accurate than people from the second group. This shows that if you play more fast-moving video games, your brain can work faster. Actually, this is not hard to understand: Practice makes perfect. The more you practise to use your brain, the faster you can make decisions.

best paragraph (Felix): corrected version My other media example of a positive influence is the internet. The internet combines a lot of media and offers us a lot of positive opportunities, such as communication, information entertaining and services. Communication helps us to keep in contact with people, but why not writing letters or calling? The sending of a letter takes a few days until the letter is arrived and calling over long distances can cause high costs so that using of software like Skype (video chat and voice over IP) offers lower costs and opportunities like watching each other. The internet and its several ways of communication establish and deepen new relationships and makes us able to share pictures and music in a incredibly short time. Searching information is one of our weekly tasks in our school-life. Again the high speed of internet offers us an easy way to find access and compare different information. Entertainment allows us to watch for example YouTube videos or just browse through the web. One possible effect is that we are engaged by these videos and try to become like our role models and play the same song on guitar like in the YouTube video for example. Services offered by the internet make it easy for us and bring a lot of comfort, like the yearly Christmas shopping, where it is possible just to order from big online stores like “Amazon” or “eBay”. Also online banking allows flexibility that was not possible during the last years.

Kevin's original version: 'Children learn by media- they learn by observing, imitation and making behaviors of their own'- A statement released by American Academy of Pediatrics(AAP) after they conducted a research on how media influences young children.They concluded that media plays a great role in the growth of a child. Children who were exposed to television shows such as Sesame street, 3-2-1 Contact and Family Bob have produced better results after they grow up. The children who are exposed to learning television channels and interactive computer games have proven to grow smarter and more outgoing than the ones who haven't- stated AAP. They also revealed that teen agers who are into watching the news have greater communication skulls. As media helps children become smarter and globally aware, it is vital for the society, as children are the future of the society.

Kevin's corrected version: Children learn by media- they learn by observing, imitation and making behaviors of their own'- A statement released by American Academy of Pediatrics(AAP) after they conducted a research on how media influences young children.They concluded that media plays a great role in the growth of a child. Children who were exposed to television shows such as Sesame street, 3-2-1 Contact and Family Bob have produced better academic results after they grow up. The children who are exposed to learning television channels and interactive computer games have proven to grow smarter and more outgoing than the ones who haven't- stated AAP. They also revealed that teen agers who are into watching the news have greater communication skulls. As media helps children become smarter and globally aware, it is essential for the society. After all, the children are the future of the society.

Joanne's original version: “If I, taking care of everyone’s interests, also take care of my own, you can’t talk about conflict of interest.”, said Silvo Berlusconi, the residing Italian Prime Minister. Silvo Berlusconi is a man of several identities –he is a politician first, then a leader; yet he is also the owner of the most dominant media company in Italy: Mediasat, and simultaneously, the 79th richest man in the world. Being the Italian prime minister has saved Silvo Berlusconi from being investigated in bribery and deception cases that have raised public suspicion; one of the most prominent points of his political career is his effective abuse and exploitations of Mediasat to achieve his own ends. Mediasat is known for not broadcasting or publishing materials that tarnished the PM’s reputation, and Silvo Berlusconi has often used Mediasat to promote his political campaigns despite public dissection. This leads to a key question: to what extent does the mass media have a positive social effect? In the aforementioned example, mass media does not appear to lead to a positive social effect due to its biased reporting that hinders public knowledge. However, the mass media is like a double-edged sword, and when used for the correct means lead to a positive social effect. An example of the mass media having a positive social effect is that more knowledge is being made available through the establishment of Wikipedia, the online encyclopaedia that collects different perspectives of knowledge and issues through public contribution. Knowledge, provided through Wikipedia, is made multi-sided and democratic. This reverses the trend of knowledge and education being increasingly privatised. The first example illustrates a situation where the use of mass media is unbeneficial to society, while the second example illustrates a situation where mass media creates a positive effect on society. However, to compare the two examples would be pointless and ineffective as each is a different issue of discussion; one is about news production and journalism, the latter on the other hand deals with issues of knowledge and truth. Therefore, in this essay, the scope of discussion would be based on ownership and secondly, bias of news production.

Joanne's corrected version: “If I, taking care of everyone’s interests, also take care of my own, you can’t talk about conflict of interest.”, said Silvo Berlusconi, the residing Italian Prime Minister. Silvo Berlusconi is a man of several identities – he is first a politician, then a leader ; yet he is also the owner of the most dominant media company in Italy: Mediasat, and simultaneously, the 79th richest man in the world. Being the Italian prime minister has saved Silvo Berlusconi from being investigated for bribery cases that have raised public scrutiny ; one of the most prominent points of his political career is his abuse and exploitations of Mediasat in order to achieve his own ends. Mediasat is known for not broadcasting or publishing materials that tarnished the PM’s reputation –indeed, Silvo Berlusconi has often used Mediasat to promote his political campaigns despite public disapproval. This leads to a key question: to what extent does the mass media have a positive social effect? In the aforementioned example, mass media does not appear to lead to a positive social effect due to its biased reporting that hinders public knowledge. However, the mass media is like a double-edged sword, and when used for the correct means lead to a positive social effect. An example of the mass media having a positive social effect is that more knowledge is being made available through the establishment of Wikipedia, the online encyclopaedia that collects different perspectives of knowledge and issues through public contribution. Knowledge, provided through Wikipedia, is made multi-sided and democratic. This reverses the trend of knowledge and education being increasingly privatised. The first example illustrates a situation where the use of mass media is unbeneficial to society, while the second example illustrates a situation where mass media creates a positive effect on society. However, to compare the two examples would be pointless and ineffective as each is a different issue of discussion; one is about news production and journalism, the latter on the other hand deals with issues of knowledge and truth. Therefore, in this essay, the scope of discussion would be based on ownership and secondly, bias of news production.

Kyle’s old version: However, there are also a lot of negative effects of the media. Firstly, the media may be censored by the government and may be used as a means of propaganda and creating personal cult. The media in the North Korea is an example. It is controlled by the government and all news is censored before being sent to the public. Thus, it is always used to extol the leader Kim Il Song. Even in China, there are also media censorships. In 2008, China was going to host the Beijing Olympic Game. In order to create a perfect game, the Chinese government instructed the media to downplay news that was not related to the Olympic Game. Some information such as the chaos in Tibet and the food safety problems was almost totally blocked.

Kyle’s new version: However, there are also a lot of negative effects of the media. Firstly, the media may be censored by the government and may be used as a means of propaganda and to create personal cult. The media in the North Korea is one of the examples. The government controls the media and all information is censored before being disseminated to the public. The media utilizes a lot of resources for political propaganda and the promotion of the personal cult of the leaders, Kim Il-Sung and Kim Jong-Il. As a result, the media fails to perform its intrinsic function, that is to deliver the message to the public reliably and objectively. Even in China, there are also media censorships. In 2008, China was going to host the Beijing Olympic Games. In order to create a ‘perfect game’, the Chinese government instructed the media to downplay news that was not related to the Olympic Games. Some information such as the chaos in Tibet and the food safety problems was almost totally blocked.

Put each person's 'best body paragraph' here. Write the group comments about how to improve this. THEN put each person's IMPROVED best body paragraph underneath it. Put your name in

Best body paragraph: (Old Version) Kelvin And as television gives image and sound, it usually gives the greatest influence towards people. That is why many governments are trying to do civil education on TV. For example in Hong Kong, after the government launched a series of anti-rubbish-throwing advertisement, the cases of people throwing rubbish or spitting has decreased for 80% in 2 months. Television can do unconsciousness affection on people. So it helps to remind us the correct moral value as well as to develop a better life style. (New Version) Kelvin As television gives image and sound, it often gives a greater influence towards people. That is why many governments are trying to do civil education on television. For example, after the Hong Kong government has launched an anti-rubbish-throwing advertisement campaign on television, streets on Hong Kong was obviously cleaner, and people generally have a better hygiene and civil responsibility consciousness. Television can be a great part of civil education thus giving the people a correct and responsible moral value and also leads to a better life style.

Original version: ( Maroua) Moreover, the media contributes to shaping a new identity for the individual. Research has shown that Internet influences the individual’s daily life directly. Indeed, we can count almost a couple of billions of Internet users all over the globe. This Internet revolution is growing every day. A good example for that is that we don’t talk in terms of home phone or mobile phone but rather in terms of Facebook or Twitter accounts. Thus, the Internet succeeded in making the world a small place where people could get together to share ideas and concepts. Nowadays, you could even meet your future husband, which is another sort of arranged marriage. Therefore, the Internet has slowly introduced new ideas for us that we have been adopting progressively.Hence, we depend on the Internet and some people have used Internet to define the way consumers are expected to live. For instance, the way Hollywood stars dress up will be the “mode” for the whole next year. The big brands companies use the stars to introduce the color for the winter season or the people are going to imitate them and thus they make a lot of profit out of these passive consumers. . The same concept applies to the way we talk. The way we think and our style of living. We can see that the Internet has a good job bringing people together into a small world making the individual stay in touch with the rest of the community, but, on the other hand, the great powers in the world have used this ideology in order to shape the individual’s personality and make people all the same. New version: ( Maroua)

Moreover, the media contributes to shaping a new identity for the individual. Research has shown that Internet influences the individual’s daily life directly. Indeed, we can count almost a couple of billions of Internet users all over the globe. This Internet revolution is growing every day. A good example for that is that we don’t talk in terms of home phone or mobile phone but rather in terms of Facebook or Twitter accounts. Thus, the Internet succeeded in making the world a small place where people could get together to share ideas and concepts. Nowadays, you could even meet your future husband via some Networking sites like E- Harmony for example, which is another sort of arranged marriage in a sense that you don’t know the partner personally but rather via the virtual world. Therefore, the Internet has slowly introduced new ideas for us that we have been adopting progressively. Research has shown that we spent around 12 hours on the Internet weekly, and we can eve talk about Internet addiction diseases. Hence, we depend on the Internet and some people have used this trend to define the way consumers are expected to live. For instance, the way Hollywood stars dress up will be the “mode” for the whole next year. The big brands companies use the stars to introduce the color for the winter season or the people are going to imitate them and thus they make a lot of profit out of these passive consumers. For example, Mango uses Scarlett Johansson to advertise for its products. Since many people believe that by wearing these products, they will look like the stars and thus according to them prettier. The same concept applies to the way we talk. The way we think and our style of living. We can see that the Internet has a good job bringing people together into a small world making the individual stay in touch with the rest of the community, but, on the other hand, the great powers in the world have used this ideology in order to shape the individual’s personality and make people all the same.

Worst paragraph: (Old Version) Kelvin Book is a set or collection of text, paper or blank sheets bind together at one hinge. It has been in history since ancient Egypt 5000 years ago. Book has a much longer history than television, thus gives it a much stronger and steadier foundation than television and internet. Although books lack of the instaneous advantage of the internet, but it definitely has a deeper meaning and influence towards people. It always leads people to have a deeper and more critical thinking towards a more serious issue than other mass media. (New Version) Kelvin Book has been in history since ancient Egypt 5000 years ago. Book has a much longer history than television thus it has a stronger foundation over other media. With a stronger foundation and history, it has been improved and improvised by more people in history; therefore it is more all-round and improvised. Although books don’t have an instant response advantage, but it often carries a deeper and more serious issue than other mass media. Due to the slow process of reading a book than perceiving other information on other mass media, people often tends to think more deeply and have more critical thinking towards an issue.

As we can see form the aforementioned examples, these media tycoons use media sites to disseminate a specific stand on controversial or political issues. Similarly, they exclude certain ideas from their media products. Therefore, we can see that with this control of information through media ownerships, owners can really “tilt the scales” in directions that they want, especially public opinion. Thus it can be concluded that the mass media of news production has a limited positive effect on society, but rather have a negative impact on society in general. In conclusion, we can deduce from the aforementioned examples that these media tycoons use media sites to disseminate a specific stand or a certain idea on controversial issues. Similarly, they exclude certain ideas from their media products. Therefore, we can see that with this control of information through media ownerships, owners can easily affect and influence public opinion. However, whether society by large can remain totally objective even under the influence of biased media is a topic for another essay to discuss. Thus I feel that the mass media of news production has a limited positive effect on society, but rather tend to have a greater negative impact on society in general.
 * Worst body paragraph**
 * Joanne's original version**
 * Joanne's corrected version**

Christie's original version: The Internet serves as an extremely efficient way of dissemination of information. Anyone who has access to the Internet can obtain knowledge at any time in any place. There are numberless websites of different topics, which can be used for academic purposes or for learning out of interests. This huge bank of resources is the combine intelligence of people of diverse backgrounds, nationalities and cultures that is shared with the world through the mass media. Other information that can be obtained from the Internet include online dictionaries, encyclopedia, books and news. News online are especially important because they are the most up-to-date information, when compared with other forms of mass media like newspapers and magazines, though serving the same purpose. The above illustrates that the mass media has a significant positive influence on society as an effective way of spread of information.

Christie's corrected version: The Internet serves as an extremely efficient way of dissemination of information.Anyone who has a computer and the access to the Internet can obtain knowledge at any time in any place. The Internet is becoming more popular every day. There has already been at least 25.21 billion web pages worldwide in March 2009. The of the web pages are on different topics, which can be used for academic purposes or for learning out of interests. This huge bank of resources is the combined effort, and in some cases intelligence, of people of diverse backgrounds, nationalities and cultures that is shared with the world. Some other information that can be obtained from the Internet includes online dictionaries, encyclopedias, books and news. Internet users can know definitions and descriptions of things in many aspects very easily. Online news allow people to know about what happened around the world, although they cannot witness the incidents. Online news are especially important because they are the most up-to-date information, when compared with other forms of mass media like daily newspapers and weekly or monthly magazines. The above illustrates that the mass media has a significant positive influence on society by helping with the dissemination of information, while the Internet is often the fastest and most efficient way of achieving this purpose.

Bad paragraph (Felix): (corrected grammatical version) The most important key point of a positive of the newspaper is that this print media. First of all why is the newspaper so common and not replaced by the Internet? Newspapers are available in all parts of the world. Not only the availability, but also the cheap price and the opportunity to transport it everywhere, make the newspaper to a convenient type of media. Furthermore it is easy to read the latest news fast, just by reading the first paragraph. The newspaper helps us to be up-to-date by just focusing the first paragraph, without a lot of attention and time consume. These information are really important for our daily life. Each day we have to make a lot of decisions and statements where this information play a great roll in our society. One example is the election of a new politician without knowing what is happening in the world and what the aims of the several parties are. Another example is when you just want to talk to your friends. It would be really embarrassing if you have no idea of a certain topic that is quite popular at the moment and also sad if you cannot show you own opinion. Finally reading the news is a kind of basic knowledge which helps us to change and buil t up our own opinion. With these aims it is possible to take an active part in the world and change the world as far as possible.

Kyle’s old version The media will also send wrong information to the public as well. This may due to the bias of the media or the profit-making motive. In some countries, we can easily see that the media is not objective enough. For example in Japan, the media always distorts the truth that relates to Sino-Japanese relation. The Japanese media always reports the truth from the Japanese perspective. This kind of bias will cause misunderstanding among countries. In most countries, the media is a private company. In order to sustain its income, it may report news that favours their sponsors or they may ignore news that will defame their conglomerate companies.

Kyle’s new version: The media will send wrong information to the public as well. This may be due to the media’s bias or profit-making motive. In some countries, we can easily see that the media is not objective enough. For example in Japan, the media always distorts the truth that relates to Sino-Japanese relations. The Japanese media often reports the truth from the Japanese perspective. This kind of bias will cause misunderstandings among countries. In some countries, the media is a private company. In order to sustain its income, it may report news that favours their sponsors or customers. Some companies are even conglomerate companies, that is, they own non-media-related business as well as media outlets. ABC News is owned by the Walt Disney Company, NBC News by the General Electric Company, and CNN by Time Warner, Inc. Conglomerates have an incentive to downplay investigative journalism and instead use their newscast to promote the products they sell.

Kaylie: (original)

However, these war-related video games, like Call Of Duty, encourage violence. Statistics show that there is a remarkable increase in extreme violence due to these video games. The games usually glorify killing and torture, which leads to promotion in extreme violence. This is a very serious negative social problem because violence can cause many other social problems, eg. the crime rate would rise significantly.

Kaylie: (new)

However, these war-related video games, like Call Of Duty, encourage violence. Statistics show that there is a remarkable increase in extreme violence due to these video games. The games usually glorify killing and torture, which leads to promotion in extreme violence. This is a very serious negative social problem because violence can cause many other social problems, eg. the crime rate would rise significantly, because most violent acts are against the law.

BEST BODY PARAGRAPH OF EACH PERSON CLARA

A good example of this new trend is Wikipedia. As we all know, Wikipedia is one of the most used source of online research and is comprised of 2.5 millions of articles (only in English). When this number is compared to the 120,000 definitions found in Encyclopedia Britannica, one can easily conclude that Wikipedia is considerably more resourceful. Such a discrepancy occurs due to the fact that Wikipedia is not made by a limited number of people, but is rather edited by millions of people around the world, contributing to the variety of language and, most important, for no cost at all.

Kristy Old version “The media’s the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent. Because they control the minds.” Referring this quote from Malcolm, this clearly suggests the mass media has the power of influencing minds. We can consider the impacts of government advertising campaigns as positive and successful. For example, the Hong Kong government has held some smoking ban campaigns with the help of the mass media and successfully altered the citizens’ concept of smoking. New Version Malcolm X, a black militant leader, said “The media’s the most powerful entity on earth. They have the power to make the innocent guilty and to make the guilty innocent. Because they control the minds.” This clearly suggests the mass media has the power of influencing minds. We can consider the impacts of government advertising campaigns as positive and successful. For example, the Hong Kong government has held a smoking ban campaign with the help of the mass media in 2007 and 2009, which successfully raised awareness on dangers of smoking and altered the citizens’ concept of smoking.

Erica

Concerning the effect of mass media on literacy, some may argue that it has negative social impacts. As technology and standard of living improces, we try to become more efficient, some times using simplified forms of writing to express ourselves. There had been the introduction of several ‘new languages’, randing from the language of mars and simplified English. Where we would most observe these forms of evoluted language is the internet, and in this technology oriented century, we are exposed to it everyday. When we’re constantly in touch with it, we tend to integrate it into our daily lives, conversations on MSN may start with ‘wt r u doing’ ‘I m gd’, or may even affect your writing when you unconsciously use these forms of simplified languages. Therefore the literacy skills of people, especially teenagers, will decrease by much, and in general, the public education system cannot reach its full effect. However, when you look at the sentence structure again, there is no particularly big flaw, it’s onlt the words being expressed in a abbreviated form. And prior the usage of simplified English or even ‘Chinlish’, we still have to have a basic knowledge on the structure and grammar of that language, we simply cannot make something up and expect the others to understand what we are talking about. Perhaps the usage of these languages as adapted from the internet and blogs mat affect out knowledge of a ‘traditional’ language, it basically doesn’t have a strong impact on the basic structure of words and sentences.

Concerning the effect of mass media on literacy, some may argue that it has negative social impacts. As technology and standard of living improves, we try to become more efficient, some times using simplified forms of writing to express ourselves. There had been the introduction of several ‘new languages’, ranging from the ‘language of mars’, as used in blogs and websites in Hong Kong and simplified English. Where we would most observe these forms of evoluted language is the internet, and in this technology oriented century, we are exposed to it everyday. When we’re constantly in touch with it, we tend to integrate it into our daily lives, conversations on MSN may start with ‘wt r u doing’ ‘I m gd’, or may even affect your writing when you unconsciously use these forms of simplified languages. Therefore the literacy skills of people, especially teenagers, will decrease by much, and in general, the public education system cannot reach its full effect. However, when you look at the sentence structure again, there is no particularly big flaw, it’s only the words being expressed in a abbreviated form. And prior the usage of simplified English or even ‘Chinglish’, we still have to have a basic knowledge on the structure and grammar of that language, we simply cannot make something up and expect the others to understand what we are talking about. Perhaps the usage of these languages as adapted from the internet and blogs mat affect out knowledge of a ‘traditional’ language, it basically doesn’t have a strong impact on the basic structure of words and sentences.

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Khaled ====== **When listening or reading news in mass media, public views on a certain topic may vary depending on the source they knew the topic from. media is controlled by powerful people such as government leaders business owners depending on the country. They sponsor media and have the authorities to tell media what to publish in that country. As everyone knows, media has become un separate part of our lives, yet the question to be asked is Whether media is doing its purpose in effecting people in a beneficial way that would bring knowledge, fun, and amusement to the them. TVs and news papers are considered the most used means of mass media in many countries. Those media means give a good effect to the society. For instance, newspaper help readers in their linguistic skills. Recently, Yemeni local newspaper publishers produce copies of their newspapers in English. Such an action raised the awareness among teenagers of the importance of English language since it's involved in many aspects of life. Another example is TV. Many programs such as educational or entertainment are brought to the public. The advertisements the public receive can be a good information source for them. Moreover, TV might show and aware people of their health and what would affect them. For example, the awareness of drug usage as well as anti-tobacco programs. That caused the spread of anti-drug and tobacco campaigns all over the world. According to the National Youth //Anti //- //Drug // Media Campaign, drug users decreased from 9.1 to 6.0 in September 2008. the campaign has a significant positive impact on anti-drug beliefs and intentions; and youth attitudes and beliefs against drug use and the importance of remaining drug-free have strengthened. **

WORST BODY PARAGRAPH OF EACH PERSON CLARA

However, many articles found in Wikipedia do not include any source, which implies two things: either the editor wrote a personal perspective about a certain topic, in which case the information is strongly questioned, or the editor is committing plagiarism and therefore is acting in breach of copy rights.

Kristy Old version: However, the dissemination of information is not absolutely beneficial to the society, especially when we cannot judge the accuracy and reliability of the news. Taking the same case in Philippines, the news reports in the first few hours of the incident are actually false. The South China Morning Post reported the victims were actually Koreans. This wrong information will lead to delay of emergency plans by the government, and mislead the citizens. This suggests the influence of mass media on the society is never one-sided. Even if we analyse only one incident, there are always both positive and negative impacts, depending on how the audiences perceive and react. New version: However, the dissemination of information is not absolutely beneficial to the society, especially when we cannot judge the accuracy and reliability of the news. Taking the same case in Philippines, the news reports in the first few hours of the incident are actually falsely reported as they said the victims were actually Koreans. This wrong information will lead to delay of emergency rescue plans by the Hong Kong government. This suggests the influence of mass media on the society is never one-sided. Even if we analyze only one incident, there are always both positive and negative impacts. Readers should acquire news from more than one source to confirm the reliability of information, so as to reduce the negative impacts of misinformation. The key point of how mass media affects the society is how would the audience perceive and react.

Erica In contradiction to the above, the weight loss regime has actually brought many social matters to the table. Have you noticed that advertisements nowadays use the term ‘slimming’ instead of ‘losing weight’? Slimming means to loose weight by keeping fit where the other hold a relatively negative meaning of simply getting rod of some (extra) pounds. When the weight loss plan first started, many ridiculous and totally unreliable diets is the only way of becoming fit and slim. Slimming companies such as Shape Easy 22 and Marie Beauty now promote slimming programs which contain dancing lessons and diet lists to their customers instead of selling pills or medication. People in the society are more aware of their health, as could be pill or medication. People in the society are more aware of their health, as could be seem from the increasing number of vegetarian restaurants and the promotion of the Hong Kong government that one third of you portion of the meal should be vegetables. From a survey done by the YMCA, out of 112 teenagers 70% were discontented with their body shape however 65% of them supported the statement that doing exercises and healthy earing is the way to lose weight. This trend has actually promoted a healthier form of living and in addition, creating many job opportunities. Not only slimming companies hired a great number od people but several new occupations had been found too, for example nutritionists, personal trainers (for doing exercises) and dieticians. Indeed we should not neglect the cases of anorexia and low self-esteem but through education and promotion by various organizations, it could be believed that these cases will decrease gradually in the future.

In contradiction to the above, the weight loss regime has actually brought many social matters to the table. Have you noticed that advertisements nowadays use the term ‘slimming’ instead of ‘losing weight’? Slimming has a more positive ideal of getting fit where the other hold a relatively negative meaning of simply getting rid of some (extra) pounds. When the weight loss plan first started, many ridiculous and totally unreliable diets is the only way of becoming fit and attain a relatively healthier body. And as a result, slimming companies such as Shape Easy 22 and Marie Beauty now promote slimming programs which contain dancing lessons and diet lists to their customers instead of selling pills or medication. People in the society are more aware of their health, as could be pill or medication. People in the society are more aware of their health, as could be seem from the increasing number of vegetarian restaurants and the promotion of the Hong Kong government that one third of you portion of the meal should be vegetables. From a survey done by the YMCA, out of 112 teenagers 70% were discontented with their body shape however 65% of them supported the statement that doing exercises and healthy eating is the way to lose weight. Although their view on body shape is probably affected by the mass media, they understood that by just simply dieting cannot promise a skinny body in the future. This trend has actually promoted a healthier form of losing weight and in addition, creating many job opportunities. Not only slimming companies hired a great number of people but several new occupations had been found too, for example nutritionists, personal trainers (for doing exercises) and dieticians. Indeed we should not neglect the cases of anorexia and low self-esteem but through education and promotion by various organizations, it could be believed that these cases will decrease gradually in the future.

** Worse body paragraph: KHALED. **

When listening or reading news in mass media, public views on a certain topic may vary depending on the source they knew the topic from. Most of the time, media is controlled by powerful people such as government leaders. They sponsor media and have the authorities to tell media what to publish in a country. The main question should be asked is whether news come to us as individuals receiving those news are reliable and completely honest. Whether media is doing its purpose in effecting people. Or whether facts in the news actually happened without manipulation with those facts. Almost none of the media means could give the public a total honest story about any fact. What proves that is the different versions of one story we hear or read about. That makes public wonder who is right or wrong. Causing a misleading of ideas within the news receivers. In contrast, TVs and news papers are considered the most used means of mass media in many countries. Regardless who controls them, those media means give a good effect to the society. For instance, newspaper help readers in their linguistic skills. Recently, Yemeni local newspaper publishers produce copies of their newspapers in English. Hat action raised the awareness among teenagers of the importance of language, especially foreign ones. Additionally, the puzzle section or jokes section in some newspapers bring the reader relaxation and reduce stress. Another example of media men is TV. Many programs such as educational or entertainment are brought to the public. The advertisements the public receive can be a good information source for them. Moreover, TV might show and aware people of their health and what would affect them. For example, the awareness of rug usage as well as anti-tobacco programs. All these programs are very useful to society particularly teenagers New version ( Maroua): Media contributes to raising awareness among the masses. Indeed, these consumers become more up to date with the world events by watching the news on the Internet that broadcast minute by minute the events occurring in countries all over the globe. These masses can also research any topic that they are interested in and do investigations. A good example would be Wikipedia with its several hundred millions of users. The 2005 terroristic attack in London page on Wikipedia changed a few times just a couple of hours after the actual events happening giving its browsers different interpretations of the event. Wikipedia, for sure, contributes to enlarging the individual’s knowledge but to what extent are these information credible and do they really reflect the truth of what is really going on. Jim Morrison argues that whoever controls the media controls people’s mind. The dominant elite shows the information focusing on their interpretation of the story. Unconsciously, the masses end up adopting the elite’s version of the truth even if it is perhaps not the actual true one. A hideous example would be the cover of the New York’s time’s magazine after the Gaza war in 2008. The picture was divided into two sections.: An Israeli mom in focus crying over her kid and a Palestinian mom in the background with her kid. Although Israel started the war causing over a thousand dead bodies and even more injures, this picture gives us the impression that Israel is the innocent one. And referring back to Malcolm’s X, the media is very powerful because it has the ability to make the innocent guilty and the guilty innocent. Therefore, the media raises awareness around the globe enlarging the consumer’s knowledge. Yet, some of this knowledge may be influenced by the dominant’s elite’s version that would most serve their own good. The USA has always worked closely wit Israel so the United States media must support Israel in everything that they do which justifies the New York’s times magazine cover.

Older version ( Maroua): Media contributes to raising awareness among the masses. Indeed, these consumers become more up to date with the world events by watching the news on the Internet that broadcast minute by minute the events occurring in countries all over the globe. A good example would be Wikipedia with its several hundred millions of users. The 2005 terroristic attack in London page on Wikipedia changed a few times just a couple of hours after the actual events happening giving its browsers different interpretations of the event. Wikipedia, for sure, contributes to enlarging the individual’s knowledge but to what extent are these information credible and do they really reflect the truth of what is really going on. Jim Morrison argues that whoever controls the media controls people’s mind. The dominant elite shows the information focusing on their interpretation of the story. Unconsciously, the masses end up adopting the elite’s version of the truth even if it is perhaps not the actual true one. A hideous example would be the cover of the New York’s time’s magazine after the Gaza war in 2008. The picture was divided into two sections.: An Israeli mom in focus crying over her kid and a Palestinian mom in the background with her kid. Although Israel started the war causing over a thousand dead bodies and even more injures, this picture gives us the impression that Israel is the innocent one. And referring back to Malcolm’s X, the media is very powerful because it has the ability to make the innocent guilty and the guilty innocent. Therefore, the media raises awareness around the globe enlarging the consumer’s knowledge.

Put each person's 'worst body paragraph here. Write the group comments about how to improve them. THEN put each person's IMPROVED worst body paragraph underneath it. Put your name in


 * Best conclusion**

Information is power, and like any other power, it must be used responsibly. Media today holds the power of information. Media plays a vital role in developing a harmonious society. By spreading information and opinions all around the world, media helps people become more globally aware. Media has proven to enhance education and help people look at issues from different perspectives. It is essential to understand things from a different view if we are to live in a community. There are few drawbacks that the spread of mass media has brought- biased media, overuse of media and misuse of media. Despite these few negative aspects of media, the positive it spreads around the world are vital and therefore far outweigh the negative impacts of media in the society.
 * Conclusion (Kevin):**

CONCLUSION (Kristy) : In my view, the mass media influence is inevitable. But we as the audience can decide whether the media is bringing positive or negative impacts. If we are smart readers or audiences, and think critically, the mass media can improve out lives. As an American advertising executive says “ All of us who professionally use the mass media are the shapers of the society. We can brutalize the mass media or we can make god use of it and help the society to improve.”

Conclusion: Maroua

To conclude, we can see that the media has a lot of power in raising people’s awareness and bringing them together into a small world. At the same time, the media influences these masses and controls them indirectly serving the dominant elite’s personal interest. Therefore, it is very important to be cautious not to fall into this control and have a separate independent identity.

Put your group's 'best conclusion' here. Put the person's name in. THEN put the group's IMPROVED best introduction underneath it.


 * ADVICE SHEET**

**Criterion A Response to the question**9-10 The candidate has a thorough understanding of the implications of the question.

! Ideas are relevant and focused.

! A high degree of critical thinking is shown.

! Ideas are fully supported by well-chosen examples.

**Criterion B Presentation**9-10 The essay is well organized and very persuasive.

! The essay structure is coherent and effective.

! Supporting examples are well integrated into the essay.

**Criterion C Language**9-10 The language is fluent and entirely appropriate.

! There is a high degree of accuracy in grammar, spelling and sentence construction, although the essay is not necessarily free from error.

! The register and style are consistently effective and appropriate to the task.

! Vocabulary and idiom are varied and highly appropriate to the task.